I thought this was funny..... [Archive] - Houston Texans Message Boards

Dawgnme

06-12-2007, 08:34 AM

Speaking of 8-track tapes, from the archives:
1. What do you call a drug ring in Dallas? A huddle.
2. Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving? The police.
3. Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore? It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
4. Doctors say because of Michael Irvin's broken clavicle, it will be 6-8 weeks before he can video a team mate having sex.
5. I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator, so now they want a coke machine.
6. The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on "grass".
7. The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System", Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
8. The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
9. The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran (RIP)
10. How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? Studying the Miranda Rights.
11. A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."
From the Chron:
A first grade teacher in Dallas explains to her class that she is a Cowboy fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Cowboy fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hands except one little girl. The teacher looks at the little girl with surprise and says, "Jenny, why didn't you raise your hand?" Jenny replied, "Because I'm not a Cowboy fan!" The still shocked teacher asked, "Well, if you aren't a Cowboy fan, then who are you a fan of?" Jenny answered, "I'm a Houston Texans fan and proud of it!"
The teacher couldn't believe her ears. "Jenny, why in the world are you a Texans fan?!" Jenny replied, "Because my mom is a Texans fan, my dad is a Texans fan, so I'm a Texans fan, too!" The teacher answered in a slightly annoyed tone, "That is no reason for you to be a Texans fan! You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?!"
Jenny smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Dallas Cowboy fan!"
Part 2:
Little Johnny was in his Kindergarten class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, policeman, salesman.
Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men."
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring in and took little Johnny aside to ask him... "Is that really true about your father working in a gay strip club?" "No" said Johnny, "he really plays for the Dallas Cowboys but I was too embarrassed to say."
Part 3:
A body was found face down and naked the other day. When the coroner arrived to examine the body, a police officer said to him “You’re not going to believe this one”.
As the coroner began his exam, he lifted the victim and identified several things: abrasions, cuts, position of the body, etc. He lowered the body, jotted a few words on his legal pad and began to leave. The officer couldn't help but notice the coroner ignoring something strange: the victim had a Dallas Cowboy's cap wedged his butt. Puzzled, the police officer asked, ”But don't you find this bizarre?" and pointed toward the hat. Never lifting his head, the coroner said "I’m used to seeing @$$holes under Cowboy hats!"
... and my personal favorites:
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers,"241." "Wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk out the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?", to which the lady answers, "144." "That is great!," responds Albert."We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "21." Albert responds, "How 'bout them Cowboys?"

A blind man goes into a bar, orders a drink, and after a while of sitting in the silence he leans toward the bartender and says "Hey, would you like to hear a Dallas Cowboy joke?"

Unbeknownst to the blind man he's actually in a Cowboys themed bar! The man next to him goes "Fella, before you tell that joke you ought to know that the bartender is a Cowboys fan, the bouncer is a Cowboys fan, and I'm a 6-5 260 Cowboys fan... what's more, the guy to your right is a Cowboys fan with a black belt in karate, and the man to my left is a Cowboys fan who's a pro wrestler... so think about it real carefully fella, you still wanna tell that Cowboys joke?"

The blind man says, "Hell no, not if I'm going to have to explain it 5 times."

Good thread!